IDENTITY - REDEFINING YOURSELF/ OCTOBER 28, 2022
I am a doctor.
Am I?
What is identity?
What do we tell ourselves we are that pigeonholes us into certain jobs, behaviors, or beliefs?
This is something that I have been meditating on for a while.
At the end of September, I resigned from my clinical medicine job for several reasons. One of my biggest issues was the belief that I was a doctor and who would I be if I wasn’t practicing medicine? I have wanted to be a doctor since I was in the 8th grade. I have many physicians in my family and have always been and continue to be fascinated by science, medicine, and caring for other humans. Being a pediatric emergency medicine physician is exciting, and challenging, and it continually taught me. But the schedule, stress, and lack of certainty have taken their toll on my body and mind.
We are not one identity. We are many identities combined, interacting.
As I considered retirement, I panicked.
Who would I be if not a doctor? What would people think?
I called my best friend who has helped me through many of life’s decisions. He patiently listened as I told him what I thought the pros and cons of each option were. I rambled for 20 minutes.
And then he said one thing that concerned him… “You mentioned that one con of leaving clinical practice would be that you wouldn’t know your identity because you have always been ‘a doctor’. I do not see this as a con. I see this as a pro.
You are not a doctor. You practice medicine.
But your whole adult life has been focused on becoming a doctor. I wonder if you really know who you are. I see this as a pro, because now you can focus your energy on discovering other aspects of your identity.
Medicine was your profession; it is not your identity.
You have an exciting opportunity to discover who you really are.” I honestly cannot remember the rest of our conversation because that was so remarkable. I hadn’t thought of it this way. I know intellectually that I am not only a doctor. But I am not sure that I have ever embraced that emotionally.
What else am I, then?
Who am I?
What is identity?
Merriam Webster Dictionary:
Definition of identity
1a: the distinguishing character or personality of an individual : INDIVIDUALITY b: the relation established by psychological identification
The distinguishing character or personality of an individual. It is not the whole of the individual. I also really appreciate the second definition emphasizing the psychological component of identity.
I think that as we grow up, we identify with something so strongly that it overwhelms other aspects of ourselves.
For example, if you have diabetes, you are not solely a diabetic. You are an individual with diabetes.
If you are a mother, you are not solely a mother. But your focus is so strong on raising your children well that it is easy to lose sight of the other aspects of you.
We are not one identity. We are our many identities combined, interacting.
So, as I move forward in this next phase of my life, I am going to be aware of my wonderful collection of identities and make a more purposeful effort to respect all of them. I am not going to let one (I am a doctor) overshadow the others.
I do not think that this precludes me from succeeding at another job or role. I can still dedicate attention and focus on something that is important to me. But I will not do so at the cost of the other aspects of me that need expression.
For me, this means stepping away from my clinical role in a pediatric emergency department.
For you, it could mean not taking on as many committee assignments, extra shifts, or chapters to write.
Ready to explore who you really are?
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